Thursday, July 23, 2015

Time out

It's been 15 days since we got the official news that our IVF failed. When the nurse called to tell me the results, I saved her the awkward part of the job and told her I had already seen the results online a few hours earlier.

The nurse went on to say that my fertility specialist had okayed me to go ahead and try again right away. I was sad and felt empty inside, so I quickly agreed. After all, the sooner I start my next treatment, the sooner I could get pregnant and hold my baby in my arms. My prescription was faxed straight to the pharmacy, and I was to start meds the next morning. New consent forms were in my email within minutes. Fees were discussed. We were good go go! Or were we...?

That evening my husband and I were chatting in the family room. I was glad we wouldn't have to wait to try again. But something was nagging at me.. Maybe our first IVF failed because my body had just gone through so much. It needed time to heal. My ovaries were still swollen. I was having heartburn from overstimulation. I had just been through a rough procedure, the egg retrieval. But that wasn't all. We were going from heartbreak to hope too quickly. We needed time to heal our hearts, too. So we took a time out.

I emailed the nurse and doctor saying that I'd made an emotional decision and I wanted to wait out a cycle before trying again. I want to be sure that when our next embryo enters my body, there's a healthy home for it. After all, he or she is hopefully going to spend nine months in there.

I'm keeping busy with summer classes. I usually don't have the mental energy to think about the failed transfer and get sad over it. Weekends have been busy and fun. Life feels good. At least when I don't have a mountain of marking! :)  Our spirits are stronger, and so is my body. Well, except for the fact that I'm home from work today with a pinched nerve and crazy lower back pain.. but that's a
different issue.

With previous treatments, I never wanted to wait between cycles. A cycle without a fertility treatment meant a cycle without hope. But I'm happy I took the time out this cycle. Hopefully in a few weeks I'll be into my next treatment cycle.. my second IVF with my first frozen embryo transfer.

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